Ray Video Entry

Don't Make Eye Contact

In the movie, Continental Divide, the late John Belushi tries to explain to his reclusive girl friend from the Rocky Mountains how to survive when she visits him in Chicago. One tip is to look down when you’re walking and never make the mistake of actually looking at someone in the eyes.

I had only been the youth minister at St. John Neumann in St. Charles, Illinois for about 6 months. I called one of my adult leaders and told them I was sick and unable to attend the Sunday Outreach. I told him to greet the speaker who was coming and that the other leaders should just run the meeting as usual without me. What I didn't tell them was that I was the speaker.

Dressed as "Ray" a man down on his luck, I showed up outside the church in the blowing snow and cold. In those days, I smoked a cigarette to further confuse people who might suspect it was me. The crowd of 300 teens and 60 adult leaders walked right by me that night. No one laughed at me. No one told me to leave. No one would look at me. I stood there in character puffing away on my cigarette (trying not to cough) and thinking to myself..."Why don't you look at me? Why don't you say, 'hi'?" Then I thought, "I'm doubling all your service hours!"

Then once everyone was inside, a woman (not on my leadership team) came outside. She looked at me and said, "What is your name?" I told her I was Ray. She asked if I needed anything and I told her that I was there to share my story with the teens. She hugged me. Then she told me I should come inside where it was warm and that she would get me a coffee until it was time for me to speak. Why her? Why this woman and not any of the other 369 people gathered that night?

Because. She had her own story. I didn't find out until days later. She had been in an abusive relationship. She faced the tough choice like many other women. Do I stay in the abuse, or leave and risk poverty and homelessness? One day she had enough and out of fear for her two small girls, she left. She lived with her daughters in a car for two months. (Before my eyes were opened, I probably would have thought she was a bad mother for living in a car with two little girls.) She eventually found an apartment and a decent job. This was many years before she came outside that snowy night in compassion to bring me inside. When I came to know her as one of my adult leaders, she was a successful woman and had raised two fine girls (my peer ministers) in St. Charles, Illinois.

As the Native American saying goes, "Walk a mile in another man's moccasins before you criticize." Doing so changes the way we see. And, it gives us the courage to look up from our shoes and into the eyes of another.

Ray with teens at Snowball program

You don't have to be homeless to have compassion

I was sitting in the grass as more than 300 high school students and adult leaders filed into the Naperville church. As usual, no one knew that I was to be the featured speaker that day. I received many of the reactions that one gets dressed in clothes that do not match and which are worn and torn. Some laughed; some stared, and did not appear to notice me. Then it happened for the very first time. A teenage girl came and sat in the grass right next to me. She looked at me and asked, "What is your name?" Not, "what are you doing here?" She did not tell me to take off my hat before entering. "What is your name," she asked. I told her my name was Ray. She asked me if I was okay and needed anything. I told her I was fine and was waiting to go inside to give a talk. She smiled. "What are you going to talk about," she asked. I told her that I was asked to come and tell my story. Her face became more serious now and she looked deeply into my eyes for what seemed a long time. "Do you ever feel that people look though you like you're not even there?" What a question! She told me that is how she felt sometimes at this church. Then she changed the subject and asked if I wanted something to drink before my talk. She took me inside and that is when it hit me. Everyone in the church that day was white. She was the only African American in the whole group. I cannot say for sure that is why she was so compassionate. However, it leads one to wonder...Understanding leads to compassion and compassion to action!

Myth versus Fact #1 (http://www.nationalhomeless.org/factsheets/)

MYTH: Homeless people could get jobs, they are just too lazy or don’t want to work.

FACT: If laziness made someone homeless, many of us would be in trouble. Most homeless people are incredibly hard-working and often have more than one job but still can’t afford to pay rent.

MILITARY VETERANS: There are between 130,000 and 200,000 US Military Veterans homeless on any given night. Three times that many veterans are struggling with excessive rent burdens and thus at increased risk of homelessness.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Domestic violence is another leading cause in homelessness---many victims have nowhere else to go after they leave their abusive partners.

MENTAL ILLNESS:Studies indicate that approximately 16% of homeless people have a mental illness, and without access to affordable health care they can’t get it treated so they end up not being able to keep a job or afford rent.

HIGH RENT: The average rent for a one bedroom apartment costs 80% of the minimum wage income, which is way too high for the average person to afford.

BOTTOM LINE: Homelessness results from a complex set of circumstances that require people to choose between food, shelter, and other basic needs. Only a concerted effort to ensure jobs that pay a living wage, adequate support for those who cannot work, affordable housing, and access to health care will bring an end to homelessness.

Ray is invited to Alcoholics Anonymous

I was walking through downtown Elgin, Illinois one late evening, as Ray, to my presentation. From out of a nearby storefront, a stranger appeared. He was unshaven, poorly dressed and smelled of the streets. He approached me, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Brother, where are you staying tonight?” I was dumbfounded. Caught off guard by his assertiveness and his obvious compassion, I quickly replied that I didn’t know. He asked me to walk with him awhile. After some silence he said, “I’m going to be honest with you. I’m going to an AA meeting.” He told me that AA stood for Alcoholics Anonymous and was a support group for people with a drinking problem. He then shockingly said to me, “I think you should come with me.” He went on to tell me that I could get a warm cup of coffee, and there would be people there who understood me and could help. For a moment, I wondered if he was Jesus who had returned for judgment. I thanked him for his kindness and told him that I had somewhere I had to go. I will never know if this man was religious but he was certainly living with a gospel behavior. He left an indelible impression upon me. “Brother, where are you staying tonight?” Who really is our neighbor? For this street person, I was his neighbor. I was his brother. Before I became involved with homelessness issues, I may have judged a person like this had I seen them walking in my neighborhood. The worth and dignity of a human being can never be determined by their appearance or particular plight in life. I realized that until we have walked in another person’s shoes it is difficult to possess compassion that helps us recognize our neighbor. However, once we experience compassion, we are compelled to act with justice –just like this man did for me.

November Presentations of "Ray"

Annunciation, Aurora-11/4; Corpus Christi, Carol Stream-11/6; St. Thomas, Naperville-11/8; St. Peter's, Geneva-11/18; Chatham Snowball, Chatham-11/21. For further details contact John.